Kristi Noem Cosplay Left Two Animals Dead
Hazel, SD—Kristi Noem’s delightful cosplays have divided the internet. Her antics are the source of much debate between her fans and detractors. But on one fateful day—“years ago” according to Noem—everyone agrees that she took it too far while cosplaying as a police officer.
“I didn’t have time to think, I just acted,” stated Noem.
Noem was walking her dog, Cricket, that day, but as she was running late for a presser, she was already in costume. Her dog barked at her neighbors chickens.
“Something in me just snapped. I didn’t know what was happening and I just fell back on my training,” she recounted.
At that point, in a sad but predictable cosplay, she quickly drew her gun and fired at Cricket, fatally wounding her.
“If you call the police, even as a black man, the likelihood that they will shoot your dog is 100%. In fact, even if you don’t have a dog, there’s still a 90% chance that a dog will be shot when police respond,” said Sam Pound, a spokesman for a watchdog group that tracks shootings of unarmed dogs. “It’s even been the subject of a documentary called Puppycide.”
“There have even been cases where a gunman was shooting at the police and they still managed to shoot a dog first. If Captain Phillips’ attackers were holding a dog, statistically, it would have been three times safer to send a neighborhood police officer to take out the pirates than Seal Team 6,” Pound continued. “It’s just uncanny. There have even been a few situations where an officer killed a dog around a corner. Lee Harvey Oswald couldn’t have made that shot but for local PD, it was just Tuesday.”
After the incident, Noem dragged the only witness—a goat she had a vendetta against for its B.O.— into a pit and shot it too.
“I felt bad about Cricket,” Noem said, “but that goat was an asshole. He had it coming.”
Brosé Sanchez
America First voice from Florida. Shares bold takes on culture, hypocrisy & history. Pronouns are: I, you, he/she, we, you, they. You should've learned that in grade school.
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