MSNBC fact-checker debunks Charlie Kirk shooting stating “It’s only an assassination attempt if it comes from the assassin region of France.”

Orem, UT—Update: We have learned that Charlie passed. The original text of this article remains in loving memory of Charlie Kirk’s devotion to free speech, humor, and willingness to say what he believed.

Breaking: Charlie Kirk has been shot while speaking at Utah Valley University. Though appearing to be shot in the neck, he is alive and in critical condition. First, as a reputable news agency, our hearts and prayers go out to Charlie Kirk and his family. America was not founded on the ideal that we can shoot people to stop them from speaking.

Now, let’s address the multitude of supposedly political thinkers and highlight what they had to say mere moments after the news that Kirk was shot spread across the internet, and sites like X.

“FOX News is reporting this as an assassination attempt, but that is factually incorrect. It’s only an assassination attempt if it comes from the assassin region of France,” noted one fact-checker from MSNBC.

CNN quickly assembled a panel to discuss the event.

“Charlie Kirk has had some strange bedfellows in the past. It’s long been known that he’s closely tied with vampires and other members of the undead community,” noted Van Jones, who’s dubious claim was debunked by the distinct lack of undead mayhem surrounding Kirk after he collapsed on stage.

“You could smell the blood from where I was, at least 40 feet away. Given their more acute sense of smell, this incident would have attracted any undead within a quarter mile radius,” said bystander James Martin, 28, amateur undead enthusiast.

Agnes Smith, 53, countered, "Mark my words, this is the beginning of some dark ritual. He'll have been taken to a dark room with a pentagram, not a hospital. We'll have to watch closely for signs that he's undead. They did this to change his view on baby sacrifices, of that I'm sure."

Not to be outdone by CNN, MSNBC’s Katy Tur began speculating with an unknown guest as the incident broke.

“We don’t know if this was a supporter shooting their gun off in celebration,” the guest told the MSNBC anchor moments after Kirk was shot Wednesday.

Later, Matthew Dowd suggested it was Charlie’s own fault that he was shot. “[Kirk is] constantly sort of pushing this sort of hate speech, aimed at certain groups. And I always go back to, hateful thoughts lead to hateful words, which often then to hateful actions.” Speaking candidly, Dowd added, “If Charlie Kirk wore a skirt and went through a dark alley at night and he got raped, that’s what he deserved.”

At the time of reporting, and elderly man was in custody over the shooting, but police later determined that he, in fact, did not have a gun in his pants—he was just happy to see them.

This is a breaking story.

Armed Esquire

A law-savvy Florida Gators fan with a knack for witty takes on politics and pop culture, proudly champions left-handed pride and dreams of a smart-TV-free world. Roasts deadbeats, praises Bowie's vocal range, and jokes about DUl defenses.

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